If I Were Beautiful (If I Were... #1) Read online

  Contents

  Title

  Copyright kd

  Devon's Newsletter

  Dedication

  If I Were Beautiful - Book 1

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Thanks from Devon Hartford

  COVER MODEL - Available NOW!!

  About the Author

  Acknowledgements

  If I Were

  Beautiful

  Book 1

  Devon Hartford

  COPYRIGHT NOTICE

  Copyright © 2017 Devon Hartford

  Cover Copyright © 2017 Devon Hartford

  Cover Photo copyright © Rozaliya, courtesy of BigStock

  All rights reserved, worldwide. No part of this ebook may be reproduced, copied, or transmitted in any medium, whether electronic, internet, or otherwise, without the expressed permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, locations, and names occurring in this book are a product of the author’s imagination, or are the property of their respective owners and are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual events, locations, or persons (living or dead), is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author. All trademarks and trade names are used in a fictitious manner and are in no way endorsed by or an endorsement of their respective owners.

  Please support the arts by purchasing a copy of this ebook from an authorized online reseller in your country.

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  Devon Hartford Newsletter

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  DEDICATION

  To JC. The Love Jug is still a secret.

  If I Were Beautiful - Book 1

  Is life better when you’re beautiful?

  #1 bestselling author Devon Hartford brings you another hot contemporary romance with a mystical twist.

  Jane Johnson has tried every beauty tip and trick known to woman, but none of them ever made men notice her.

  Until now.

  For the first time in her life, something is working. She doesn’t recognize herself in the mirror. She has literally transformed from plain to downright beautiful.

  Before her inexplicable transformation, Jane couldn’t get a date to save her life. Now she has a date every night of the week. Gorgeous eligible men are throwing themselves at her. They’re even fighting over her, actual fist fights to win her affection.

  It all seems too good to be true.

  The only question on Jane’s mind is whether or not her newfound beauty is going to last or if it’s some cruel trick of fate that will fade away as quickly as it appeared.

  Because everybody knows, when something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

  ***If I Were Beautiful - Book 1 is part one of a saucy romance trilogy with a mystical twist that will leave you breathless to find out what happens next. Book 2 will release in April 2017, Book 3 in July 2017 (or sooner).

  Chapter 1

  The funny thing about love is, you never know when or where you’ll find it.

  You can go from a dating drought to raining men in the blink of an eye. But we all know, when you’re waiting for the drought to end, it sometimes feels like it never will…

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  “You are a shameless con artist, Chelsea,” I hissed in my sister’s ear.

  “Relax, Jane. It’s not like I took you to a strip club.”

  “I would rather do that than this,” I grumbled, looking around the crowded bar section of ReaXion, a trendy eatery in the heart of Melrose. “I don’t know how you ever thought speed dating would be a good idea.”

  Chelsea and I sat side by side at a row of tables along the wall with the other women daters. The men milled about in the bar section, awaiting the first bell and the first round of speed dates, which was two minutes away according to the big digital timer at the front of the room. Personally, I was two seconds away from dying of a panic attack.

  I hated dating.

  Surprised, Chelsea said, “Are you serious about the strip club? Because if you are, we can leave right now. Hunk-O-Mania is like five minutes from here.” Chelsea had been boy crazy since she was five and hadn’t let up for the last twenty-six years, but I never thought she’d pick a strip joint fantasy over a real date, no matter how speedy. She was just as single as I was. Unlike me, she was great at dating. It was one of her favorite things. Not mine. Men in general were a basic frustration in my life.

  “Hunk-O-Mania?” I scowled. “Did you just make that up?”

  “No. It’s a real place.”

  “That you’ve been to a thousand times,” I joked.

  “Once,” she smirked. “I’ve only been to Hunk-O-Mania once, and that was in college. But if you want, we’ll go the next time I’m in town.” Chelsea lived in San Francisco and was flying out tomorrow morning, but she’d be back soon. She flew down to Los Angeles for work on a monthly basis and always stayed at my apartment when she did.

  “Can we go now?” I groaned.

  “To where? Hunk-O-Mania?”

  “No. Any place except here.”

  “The guys at Hunk-O-Mania are hot, Jane.”

  “How hot?” I wasn’t even interested. I was just looking for an excuse to leave.

  “Channing Tatum hot. Matt Bomer hot. Joe Manganiello hot. Alex Pettyfer—”

  “Chelz, you’re listing the cast of Magic Mike. I guarantee you, those guys don’t work at a place called Hunk-O-Mania. The guys who work there probably look like Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Beer guts galore and receding or nonexistent hairlines.”

  “They don’t look like fat cartoon men,” she snickered and held up her iPhone, showing me a photo of a row of beefy shirtless guys with rock hard chests and washboard abs posing on a stage.

  “See?” I giggled. “Homer Simpson. That one guy in the middle with the cleft chin looks exactly like Glenn Quagmire.”

  “Yeah, right. We’ll go after speed dating.”

  “Chelz! I’m not going to Hunk-O—”

  The first bell rang and two dozen men made their way to the tables.

  “Hush, Jane! Here come the real men.” She patted my thigh beneath the table. “We’ll go sample the fantasy men at Hunk-O-Mania after speed dating.”

  “What about dinner?” I whined. “With my beloved sister who I now hate?”

  “We have reservations in the restaurant for after.” ReaXion was well known for their good food, but I’d never eaten here. “Try to have fun, Jay-Jay.”

  I grumbled, “What about speed dating could possibly be fun?”

  She didn’t answer because her date had already sat down at her table and was busy introducing himself.

  The man who sat in front of me wore a navy blazer over a dress shirt and wa
s average height with average looks. Charlie Hunnam he was not. He had a bit of a pinched face, but it was nice enough. He was the kind of guy you would never notice in a crowded room. At least he was quick with a warm firm handshake. His hand was damp, but I wasn’t one to judge.

  “Hey. I’m Mike. What’s your name?” He sounded as nervous as I was.

  “Jane,” I smiled.

  Mike smoothed his slacks under the table. “You ever do this before?”

  “What, date a man?” I joked. “No, not really.” It was half true. At twenty-nine, I had limited experience with men and dating. My relationship with Aaron Gross had lasted less than a year and a half before he disappeared. Yes, disappeared. He just stopped answering my phone calls and texts one day. Later I found out he’d moved to Wisconsin for a job. He never even told me. With Harvey Pews, we’d barely made it to six months when he admitted he was seeing someone else. The whole time. Other than those two, there wasn’t much to talk about beyond a handful of random bad dates over the years.

  Mike gave me a strange look. “Are you okay?”

  “Sorry, I just…” I tittered.

  “Uh… yeah…” he chuckled nervously, not knowing what to say. He spun a spare drink coaster absently on the table top, which seemed to capture his interest far more than I did. Great. He was probably counting the minutes until the next bell. Luckily, he had only four to go before he’d never have to see me again.

  I couldn’t believe my first speed date was crashing and burning after less than sixty seconds. Awkward! Now I didn’t know what to say either. Why did I have to open with such a stupid joke?

  He said, “Uh, I think we’re supposed to ask each other the basics. So, Jane, tell me about you. When was the last time you jumped out of an airplane?”

  “How is that the basics?” I chuckled uncertainly.

  He just shrugged in response, not making this any easier.

  “Uh, you mean, like skydiving?”

  He grinned, “Yeah.”

  “Oh, I’ve never gone skydiving.”

  “You? Come on, Jane. You have extreme sports written all over you.”

  I couldn’t decide if he was joking with me or making fun of me. Experience would lead me to believe it was the latter. I grimaced, “Never jumped out of an airplane before, Mike. Sorry.” Now I was so uncomfortable I’d willingly jump out of the nearest one, sans parachute, if it meant I could get out of speed dating. I really needed to kill Chelsea later.

  Mike’s eyes searched mine. His were a pretty light blue.

  Mine were shrunken by my big glasses, which I hated. Because of my strong prescription, I couldn’t wear contacts. So I was stuck wearing magnifying glasses ever since I was six. I pushed them up my nose and giggled nervously.

  Mike suddenly smiled. A genuine smile. “Um, okay. So, you’re not into extreme sports. How about un-extreme sports?” Those light blue eyes of his twinkled with amusement. He was trying and I appreciated that.

  I giggled, “What, like sewing? Is that an un-extreme sport?”

  “Sure. Sewing. Or knitting. Maybe baking?” Between his bright eyes and bright smile, Mike was more than cute enough for me. Despite our rocky start, I sensed a bit of chemistry.

  I grinned hopefully, “I definitely bake. The way I do it is in no way extreme. But I can bake a pretty mean chocolate cake.”

  “Whoa, not too mean,” he chuckled. “Not like devil’s food cake or anything dangerous like that, I hope. That might disqualify you.”

  “No,” I half-laughed, “nothing dangerous. I only bake angel food cakes.”

  “Oh, good. I don’t think I could date a woman who bakes Satan’s food cake.”

  “Wait, are you serious?”

  “No,” he chuckled, a big smile on his face.

  “Okay, just to be safe, I promise I’ll never bake you any Satan’s food cake. Or demon’s food cake either.”

  “Is that a thing?”

  “No,” I giggled. “What about chocolate in general? Is chocolate too extreme for you, or will you eat something basic like brownies? I’ve always thought of brownies as the most innocent of all the baked desserts.”

  “Depends how rich they are,” he winked.

  “Wow, Mike. Are you a food prude? I bet you don’t like hot sauce or anything too spicy either.”

  “Actually, I’m a huge Sriracha fan. Put it on just about everything.”

  “Do you put it on brownies? Are you that dangerous, Mike? Or just a poser?”

  “Never on brownies. But it goes great with dark chocolate.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” he nodded enthusiastically. “If you like hot sauce and chocolate, you’ll probably like them together.”

  “I’ll have to try that some time. I might actually like it.”

  “I can’t bake any for you, but I can buy you a bar. Is buying too extreme?”

  “No, buying is fine,” I laughed. I was really starting to like Mike. Those blue eyes of his were making my heart race. I looked away, starting to blush. He chuckled nervously. If I wasn’t mistaken, he liked me too.

  “So, Jane, what other un-extreme sports do you enjoy? I mean, what is the least extreme thing you like to do?”

  “Hmmm. Let me think. Breathe?”

  Mike’s face glowed with amusement. “I think that takes the cake, Jane. That is possibly the least extreme thing I can think of. Well, except maybe… No. Breathing is definitely the winner. Well played. High five.” He held up his palm and I slapped it.

  Wow oh wow. I hadn’t realized it before, but Mike was actually very cute. I would be thrilled to date a guy like Mike.

  And Mike was smiling at me warmly.

  We were officially having a moment.

  A moment I wanted to last for at least another four hours. Why had I ever doubted Chelsea? Speed dating was the perfect idea.

  CLING-A-LING-A-LING!!!

  “Time’s up! That’s five minutes!” The woman who was MCing the evening said over the microphone while ringing a hand bell. “Gentlemen, please shift one seat to your right.”

  I scribbled a note on my scorecard about Mike’s light blue eyes and un-extreme dating. I would definitely be requesting his contact information later.

  I hoped he requested mine.

  Something told me he would.

  I smiled to myself as the next guy sat down.

  This guy was much cuter than Mike, but not nearly as interested. His name was Tyler and he had dusty blond hair, a surfer tan, and perfect teeth. After giving me a two second look and half-hearted hello, he refused to make eye contact. His knee bounced under the table constantly, wobbling the table and shaking our drinks. He was practically refusing to talk. I kept asking him questions, but I felt like I was interviewing a two-year-old. I was the only one trying to make conversation.

  “So, Tyler. What did you say you did again?”

  He tossed back the last of his Jack & Coke and looked over his shoulder toward the bar. “Wonder if I can get a refill?”

  “What, now?”

  He shrugged and tilted his glass, swallowing an ice cube, which he proceeded to crunch loudly while looking around at the other speed daters. He was doing everything he could to avoid conversation.

  If he checks his phone, I swear I’ll—

  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and thumbed the screen.

  I leaned my forehead into my palm and groaned. “Why don’t you go get your drink, Tyler.”

  He gave me a look that said, We cool?

  I gave him a scowl that said, You’re not, but you can go get your drink now, little boy.

  He stood up and clicked his tongue. “B R B.”

  “Take your time, Tyler.” I folded my arms across my chest and glared at him as he walked to the bar.

  Beside me, Chelsea said to Mike, who was her current date, “Just a second.” She leaned against me and whispered, “What just happened?”

  “Tyler needed a refill,” I grumbled.

  “Tyler is a le
aky douche.”

  “Leaky?” I giggled.

  “Yes, leaky. Forget about him. Try to relax before the next date.” She turned back to Mike and smiled, “Sorry.”

  Mike leaned over the table and said, “Are you okay?” It was so sweet he cared.

  I sighed, “I’m fine.”

  Mike winked, “Do you want me to go kick his ass?” Tyler was twice Mike’s size so he was probably joking, but I appreciated the sentiment.

  “No, that’s okay. I think I can handle it.”

  Mike grinned, “So you’ll kick his ass?”

  I laughed. “Yeah. But I’ll kick his balls first.”

  “You might be a bit more extreme than I gave you credit for, Jane. I like that.”

  “Thanks. But you should be focusing on your date with my sister.”

  Mike’s head swiveled between me and Chelsea. “She’s your sister?”

  “Yeah, she’s my sister.” I waited for what usually came next: whenever the men I knew discovered my sister looked like a supermodel, they forgot I existed. Unlike me, Chelsea was tall, had long flowing blonde hair, and a perfect body. And no glasses. If she hadn’t been so damn smart, she probably would’ve gone into modeling. But she was, and she thought modeling was stupid, so she went into marketing.

  Mike’s eyes bulged as he looked at both of us.

  Fabulous. He was about to lose all interest in me.

  He rubbed his hands together craftily. “What a pleasant surprise.”

  I rolled my eyes and smirked at him. Mike was a leaky douche, just like Tyler.

  Mike turned to Chelz. “So, Chelsea. Tell me everything I need to know about Jane. What’s her favorite food? Her favorite restaurant? Does she have any food allergies I should avoid? And what does she like to do for fun besides Satanic baking?”

  Chelsea laughed, “Satanic baking?”

  “Never mind that. Just tell me what I need to know to get a second date with your sister.”

  Okay, so Mike was nothing like every other guy who’d met my sister after meeting me.